A Snappy Comeback Appropriate For Any Situation: Yo Momma

*Today I am participating in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop by answering the prompt: 5.) A snappy comeback! I actually wrote this post awhile back as a nostalgic memory for Kickin’ It Old School, but hey, it never gets old.  It’s a classic; Yo mama is a snappy comeback appropriate for just about any situation.  Wouldn’t you agree?


drama momma

This actually happened almost a year ago, but it still cracks me up whenever I think about it.

We were at the W Hotel in Buckhead having a fancy dinner with our kids to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary.  In the course of normal dinner conversation my husband picked up his wine glass, smelled it, and decided that it smelled too dusty for him and asked for another glass.   Now, I had been married to this man for 15 years at that point and had never seen him smell a glass before, but apparently he says that he does it all the time because dusty glasses are a pet peeve of his.  I started making fun of him because I really think my husband is going to be a crazy old man; I mean some of his current behaviors point in that direction.  I had the kids cracking up by painting a verbal picture of their dad sitting in a corner rocking chair smelling glasses, rocking madly and mumbling to himself.

My husband was not amused and just said, “Yo momma.”

Actually he frequently using this comeback to me when he can’t think of anything else to say and even says it to my son.  My son responds with, “You know, you’re talking about your wife and she’s standing right there.”

Well, that night I had a comeback of my own.   Out of the depths of my memory bank I pulled out a little ditty that I hadn’t said since I was about 9 years old living on the South Side of Chicago and recited it to my husband with requisite finger wagging and facial attitude.

Yo Momma,

Yo Daddy,

Yo greasy Granny,

Got a hole in her panties,

Got a big behind like Frankenstein,

Going beep-beep-beep down Sesame Street!

And then I started laughing uncontrollably.

My kids stared at me in shock and my husband tried to quiet me down, concerned about the other diners, but it took a long time for me to settle back into a Buckhead-like decorum.   It was fun to throw my playground swagger around….I still got it!

Visit Mama Kat’s Losin It to write a prompt of your own.

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Have You Ever?

*Today I am participating in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop by answering the prompt: 4.) Begin each line of your post with “have you ever”.

Have you ever…jumped out of bed and put on your exercise clothes only to get so distracted by the demands of the household that you realize 2 hours later that exercise is not going to happen today?

Have you ever…decided instead to go to the grocery store because there’s no milk and bread and Lord knows that even if you have a pantry full of food no one can exist without milk and bread?

Have you ever…grumbled that if your husband would have just picked up some milk and bread 2 days ago like you asked then you could be exercising instead of going to the grocery store?

Have you ever….noticed that your dog did get bit after all when the neighbor dog attacked him yesterday and that you can’t go to the grocery store, but instead now you must google “dog bites dog” to determine if the bite is worth a trip to the ER or can it wait until tomorrow when the vet is not closed for Memorial Day?

Have you ever….googled “dog bites dog” and got concerned and then called the ER for confirmation and they said, yes, bring him in right away?

Have you ever….arrived home from the pet ER shaken, but relieved that the bite wasn’t too serious and that you had a credit from another emergency and it didn’t cost the arm and leg that you were prepared to pay, so now you are leaving for the grocery store again, but check your email and see that your iPad is waiting for pick-up at the Apple Store?

Have you ever…rushed to the Apple Store with baby girl in tow to pick up your iPad, only to walk in with 10 other people who got the same email and must live the same distance from the mall as you because now you must wait for a very long time?

Have you ever…stood in line at Panera Bread downstairs from the Apple Store–iPad finally in hand–ordering lunch for you and Girly, planning to head straight to the grocery store as soon as you eat, when your cell phone rings and your son is ready to be picked up from orchestra rehearsal now, an hour early?

Have you ever…ordered your lunch to go instead, rushed to retrieve The Boy from rehearsal, drive past the grocery store, drop the kids off and finally, FINALLY make it to the grocery store?

Have you ever had a Memorial Day like that?  I hope that I never do again.

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The Many Faces of SharkBoy

*Today I am participating in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop by answering the prompt:  1.) Create your own comic strip.


THE MANY FACES OF SHARKBOY!

Why?  No reason.  No reason at all.

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If They Had Classes Like This When I Was In High School, I Might Have Paid Attention

Towards the end the school year, my son’s high school classes shift from the normal biology and math requirements to more interesting electives like The Sociological History of Hair.

I saw this book on the table tonight and thought, “huh; how about that?”

I’m hoping that the classroom discussion spills over into our dinnertime table talk.  Especially since my son’s hair resembles the cover of the book in dreadlocks and it’s certain that 99.9% of the class does not.

If they had classes like this when I was in high school, I might have paid attention.

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Earth Day Walk

My kids’ school is very Green: they recycle, compost, organize environmental clean-ups and recently built a LEED addition to the school.   There is a parent-run Green Team that is serious about making the school have as little impact on the earth as possible.   I am always in awe when I hear that the school-wide Thanksgiving Feast produces a single tiny bag of trash.    All the food scrap food is composted and the containers recycled.  The dishes and forks used are made of corn.   It’s amazing that they can feed over 900 kids at a traditionally glutenous meal and not have any trash!

So, practicing Green habits is a daily occurrence at the school, not just something that they do on Earth Day.   But once a year they ask the parents and students to do something that they might not normally do: walk, carpool or ride bikes to school.   There are meet-up points near and far for walkers and bike riders to travel to school together, so it’s fun.   We don’t normally walk to school; it’s a 6 minute drive, but a 40 minute walk.   The walk is not so long, but it would require getting up early (!) and moving quickly in the morning and we don’t do that very well.  But today we got up at 6:30 and met the science teacher at the corner at 7:15 to walk as a group.   It was chilly outside, but fun walking and talking together.

We were able to do it because we didn’t eat breakfast before leaving home.  We knew that this would be waiting for us:

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

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    • My name is Funkidivagirl, but I've been known to answer to Sherrelle Kirkland-Andrews. I am a writer, wife, mother, pseudo-hippie and non-southern reluctant Atlantan. I dig traveling, reading and challenging myself to try new things. I love to laugh and I try to make that happen every day. CHECK ME OUT.

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