I’ve done some gross things in my day.   Being a parent, it comes with the territory.  I’ve cleaned up my share of explosive diarrhea.  One time my son vomited a whole meal’s worth of chili.  From the top of a bunk bed.   It took me 2 days to get chili out of the carpet, off the walls and in the cracks and crevices of the bed.  Fun times.

But nothing–NOTHING–compared to a recent experience that I had with my dog.

I was just getting out of the shower when I heard my husband yelling, “Sherrelle, come quick!”   Thinking something was wrong with one of the kids, I ran downstairs in a towel where I was further summoned outside.  Throwing on a coat and my slippers I go out into the winter morning to see my son standing on the sidewalk holding our puppy, Chili Dawg.  And in his mouth is a dead squirrel.

Let’s stop for a minute and rewind.  Did you notice that my husband called me outside?  To take a dead squirrel out of my dog’s mouth while he watched from the porch?   And this is not the first time that I was asked to handle a dead squirrel.  When my dad removed a dead squirrel from our attic he handed it down to me in a trash bag, because he knows that my husband (who was standing right there) wasn’t going anywhere near it.

I’m not squeamish, but even I have my limits.  A dead squirrel in a trash bag is not the same as one hanging out of my dog’s mouth.  Oh, let me clarify: this wasn’t a dead squirrel (like from the attic); my dog had picked up squirrel road kill on his walk.   It was about 3/4 of a squirrel–minus the head–with blood and guts spilling out.  Yeah.

I actually tried to find photo online to accompany this story and there were many to choose from.  For some disturbing reason people take photos of squirrel road kill.   But I couldn’t bring myself to use a photo…my stomach turned just looking at the Google images.  I don’t believe that I will ever look at a squirrel the same again.

As disgusting as it was–AND IT WAS DISGUSTING–what choice did I have?  My kids couldn’t do it and my husband wasn’t going to do it.  My dog’s health depended upon me removing the squirrel from his mouth.  Which was not going to be easy, I could tell.  He had a death-grip on that squirrel and no amount of cajoling or bribing him with treats was working, so I put on rubber gloves and pried his mouth open.  To do this I was very close to the dead squirrel and the smell and site of squirrel guts was over-whelming.  I dry-heaved several times in the process, but finally pried the squirrel out of Chili Dawg’s mouth and threw it on the ground.   I disposed of most of the squirrel pieces before one final heave told me that I had reached my limit.  My husband (watching from the porch) saw that I could go no further and finished picking up the last bit of squirrel guts from the sidewalk.    I spent the next half hour sitting on the porch washing Chili Dawg’s face and brushing his teeth.

Still naked under my coat.

And that was the most disgusting thing that I’ve ever done.

I know it’s already the second week in January, but my kids were sick last week and out of school, so I’m only finally getting around to acknowledging the new year. So, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have you made any New Year’s Resolutions? I haven’t and I don’t plan to, but I do like to use this time of year to reflect upon last year.  Thank God for my blog because I wouldn’t remember anything otherwise.

FUNKIDIVAGIRL HIGHLIGHTS FROM 2009:

I would say one of the biggest things that our family did in 2009 was get Chili Dawg in May, back when he was a tiny puppy. Since then he has brought so much joy (and chaos, to be truthful) into our lives. We love him to pieces.

As a family we took a couple of memorable vacations in 2009 to Disney World and Jane Fonda’s Forked Lightning Ranch in New Mexico.  Both trips were crazy fun.  I also managed a weekend get-away alone to Key Biscayne, something that I hope to do more of.

My family became food critics, by our own entitlement, and had tons of fun picking the best cupcakes in Atlanta (although, I don’t think I have eaten a cupcake since; I ate enough then for a lifetime).   My son even got local recognition as a real food critic when he ended up on the cover of Atlanta INtown.

My husband started his own social media marketing company, Everywhere.  It’s doing very well, but as everyone knows who has their own company, the hours are brutal.   2009 was a struggle in work/life balance in my house and I blogged about it; I hope that 2010 will be much better and we can find more quality time as a couple and family.

In October I attended my first blogger conference, Blogalicious, and I enjoyed it very much.  You have to understand that this is totally out of my comfort zone–networking is not my thing–so I am very proud of myself.

Not only did I get personal satisfaction out of attending Blogalicious, but contacts made there led to an invitation for me to go to Disney World for a media event.  This was probably the most exciting thing to happen to me professionally in 2009 as I felt that it validated my role as a blogger and social media influence.  And I had a ball and made new friends.  I hope that 2010 brings more opportunities like that.

Most of all in 2009 I have enjoyed connecting with you, dear readers.  From sharing Things I Like to exploring Deep Stuff, I love writing.  Thanks for reading Funkidivagirl.com and helping me to build an online community.  I hope that you stick around in 2010 and beyond; I promise that it will be a funki good time.

As my friend Darcie has so eloquently commented today on my last blog post,”tap, tap, is this thing on?”  Her funny way of saying that I have been MIA on my blog.  And she’s absolutely right…I disappeared on December 16th and just now got my house and mind cleared enough to blog again.  Christmas, while my favorite holiday, takes a lot out of me and frankly I don’t think that I have sat down long enough to blog until now.   My daughter is actually home sick, but DVR recordings of Spongebob Squarepants will keep her occupied long enough for me to write.

I know everyone is doing “happy new year” posts, but before I get to the new year I have to make sure Christmas is over and it’s still lingering in my house.  I am still finding bits and pieces of Christmas lying around the house that I’ve forgotten to put away.  The Christmas tree is still on the curb.  A few toys are still out because they haven’t found a home yet.  And the pine needle, oh the pine needles!  I’m sure that I’ll be finding pine needles until at least Easter.

Everyone in my house had a good Christmas because my kids mostly care about spending time together and we did plenty of that.  Christmas Eve was our big celebration because we traveled to my aunt’s house on Christmas Day; I cooked a big dinner and we decorated cookies and a gingerbread house like we do every year.  I’m trying to use Whrrl more, so I did a Whrrl story on Christmas Eve.  So, while I haven’t been blogging, I have been on Twitter because it’s a fast one-two punch and it takes me much longer to blog.  You need to follow me if you don’t already.  I protect my updates to keep out the crazies, but if you’re not one of them, I’ll follow you back.

The surprise of the season was Chili Dawg.  I thought for sure that he would try to steal the ornaments off the Christmas tree or take down the tree itself.   I was prepared to build a gate around the tree, but to my surprise it wasn’t even needed.   Chili’s only offense was drinking water from the tree and stealing one soft football ornament that was hanging really low and I really couldn’t blame him on that one because it looked like one of his toys.  He actually found a space behind the tree to be a nice spot for napping.

My favorite memory from Christmas morning was that my daughter wanted the family to open the gifts that she had made for us in sewing class–before she opened the gifts that Santa had left her.  She was more excited to give than receive!  That was really sweet and special.  My son too was excited for us to open his gifts as he went shopping all alone with his own money and was very proud of what he picked out.   He did a great job getting just the right present for everyone.  The kids got everything that they wanted for Christmas and even though we don’t normally exchange gifts, my husband surprised me with a new pair of my favorite jeans (he said since I worked my butt off making Christmas special for the family, he bought something for my butt ).

He also did something funny:  he bought me this card along with my gift.  The inside says “that would be nuts.”  When I got it I thought, um, okay, weird/inappropriate card to give your wife, but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful so I didn’t say anything and displayed it on our dresser.  A few days later my husband came to me to apologize because he finally noticed how crass the card really was.   When he picked it out, he thought it was funny because we always have squirrels in our attic wrecking havoc…he didn’t notice the, uh, enhanced anatomy on the squirrel.   My son and I had a good laugh at his mistake and my daughter kept asking, “what’s so funny?”

Something else my husband did was not so funny, but really annoying.  We had decided as a family to treat ourselves to an after-Christmas gift, a panini press.  We had seen the one we wanted in Williams-Sonoma and went to the mall specifically for that purpose, to buy the Breville Ikon Panini Press; isn’t it lovely?

However, while in the store my husband tweeted out a question about what brand of panini press to buy and he got a response from a few people to get a George Forman Grill instead.   Somehow he talked me into it.  I know; what was I thinking?  I won’t go into the arguing that ensued, but it turned out to be a big mistake and you know I let him know it!    I ended up going back to Williams-Sonoma the next day and getting the panini press that we were originally supposed to buy.  Peace was once again restored in our household and we have been making gloriously yummy paninis ever since.

Oh, but that peace was disrupted by a simple family game of Monopoly.   I knew better, I really did, than to play Monopoly with my husband.  We’re all competitive in this family, but something comes over my husband particularly when he is playing Monopoly that only can be described as manic.  He loses all sense of decorum and tries to win at all costs.  No life is spared.   I know this because no game of Monopoly that I have ever played with him has gone well or can even be described as being fun; torture is more like it.   This is how bad it gets: before we got married we played Monopoly and he was as tyrannical as he usually is, but I won that game.  Slaughtered him, is more like it.  I never wanted him to forget that defeat, so I wrote it on the top of the Monopoly box.  We have bought many new games over the years, but I cut out the box top and always transfer it to the newest game.  My son read the box top aloud before our latest game:

On May 7, 1993 Sherrelle and James played.  In the beginning James talked much “yang” and bought up all the properties except the yellow and green (he even owned Boardwalk).  However, Sherrelle had all the $ and all the railroads and utilities.  That was James’ downfall because he never passed “Go” and always land on railroads ($200 each time)!  Slowly he had to sell all of his many properties.  By this time Sherrelle had bought 3 hotels on her yellow property and the climax (and end) of the game came when James landed on a hotel property–he then owed Sherrelle $1150!  He was broke and Sherrelle won (he still owes her $680)!  Sherrelle also left the game with $5,700 in cash, property and hotels.  What a victory!  James called himself the “Monopoly King”, but who’s ruling now??  The rightful ruler, now and always, is SHERRELLE.  No matter what happens in future games, this will always go down in history as the night that Sherrelle let James know who was BOSS!!!

I don’t think my husband as ever forgotten that defeat and won’t rest until he reclaims his “Monopoly King” crown.  Needless to say, “family game night” didn’t end well….blood was shed, tears were spilled, voices were raised (okay, not blood, but the rest is true).  The game is retired to the top shelf of our laundry room and if we are smart, it will never be taken down again.  I think we will be safer playing Candyland or Hi Ho Cheerio…..maybe.

So there you have the highlights of my holiday season.  And we look so normal, don’t we?

It’s Halloween and while I am not a big fan of the holiday (I don’t do spooky), I love the CANDY that trick-or-treating brings.  I’m not one of those mothers who restrict candy; I mean, that would be very hypocritical saying “No candy!” through a mouthful of Swedish Fish.   On Halloween I’m all for dressing up my kids and using them to bring home the loot; it’s one of the perks of having kids because for some reason people frown upon grown adults begging for candy door-to-door.  Now that they are older my kids are hip to the ole “mommy has to check the candy” trick, but still they mostly share with me (or I steal it when they go to school, same difference).  Over the years I have found that cute costumes bring in more candy.  Look at these 3 martial arts experts; wouldn’t you hand over a full-sized candy bar if they rang your doorbell?

This is the secret weapon; Chili Dawg is sure to guarantee 2 fistfuls of candy at each stop.

My daughter has been sick this week, so she might no be able to go trick-or-treating if it’s raining or really cold.  If that is the case, then I have to keep the candy that I bought for myself (Starbusts and Skittles) and turn out the porch light like I’m not home.  I’m sure there’s plenty more candy out there for those neighborhood kids.

One of my favorite children’s books is Jerry Seinfeld’s Halloween–now that’s a man who understands the beauty of Halloween candy.  The book is hilarious; when I read it my daughter I can barely get the words out because I’m laughing so hard.   We just listened to the audio cd and even though Jerry’s delivery is much better than mine, still my daughter doesn’t laugh much.  She likes the book, but doesn’t think it is hysterical like I do.  I think that’s because although Halloween is a children’s book, the humor is so nostalgic of the trick-or-treating days of yore, back when I was a kid, that she just can’t relate.  I remember those flimsy costumes and plastic masks!  And well, it’s Jerry Seinfeld and you’ve got to like his brand of humor to think it’s funny; I’m a big fan.  My daughter thinks Captain Underpants is funny; do you see a disconnect here?

If you get a chance, pick up a copy of Jerry’s Seinfeld’s Halloween and have a good laugh–preferably while holding a Snickers bar in one hand and Gummy Bears in the other.   Mmmm…..candy.

I remember a few years ago when I first heard that Disney was doing an animated movie with it’s first African American princess and I was so excited.  Since that time I have heard all sorts of commentary about what she should look like, what her cultural background should be and how she should be portrayed.  Poor Princess Tiana…as I have said before she has a heavy crown to carry on that pretty little head; being “the first” anything is hard.  But from what I have seen, Disney has done a remarkable job with the movie The Princess and the Frog; don’t you agree?   If you haven’t seen a preview of the movie, I encourage you watch this high-quality, official Disney video.

Besides the movie, I’m excited that my daughter has Disney images that reflect her cultural heritage.  During my recent media trip to Disney World (you know how I do, VIP-style) I got to see a display of Princess Tiana merchandise already available for purchase in stores and I’m happy to say that Disney’s Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, a princess make-over salon located in Cinderella’s Castle, now has a Princess Tiana package.

I got my own wonderful Princess Tiana doll as a gift from Disney and my daughter claimed as her own the minute I walked in the door.  I wanted to keep her for my black doll collection (I have Brandy, Beyonce and Serena dolls still in the box), but I guess that I just have buy one for myself.   She graciously let me snap a photo of the doll before she took Princess Tiana to met her Jasmine, Cinderella and Belle dolls.

African Americans were intricately involved in all aspects of the movie, from the voices of Anika Noni Rose, Jennifer Lewis, Keith David, Terrence Howard and Oprah Winfrey to Supervising Animator Bruce Smith.  Bruce has a long and impressive career trail as one of the few African American animators in the industry.  Just to name a few highlights, he has worked as Supervising Animator on several Disney movies, directed the animation in Space Jam, directed Bebe’s Kids and he’s the creator of The Proud Family.  My son loves The Proud Family and was pretty impressed when I told him that I met and hung out with Bruce at Disney World.   I didn’t tell him yet about Space Jam; he’s going to love that because it was his favorite movie as a toddler.  Bruce is gonna kill me, but none of us could believe that this man is 48 years old; we made him show his driver’s license!   It’s the cartoons; they keep a person young.   Further reason for me to indulge in my love of cartoons and animated movies.

Bruce Smith, Tonya Pendleton, Heather Murry, Darcie Maranich, Laura Spencer, Me & Lorraine Robertson at Victoria Falls Lounge at Animal Kingdom Lodge.

We were all there to witness the official welcome of Princess Tiana into Disney World with all the pageantry and celebration that such an important occasion deserves (you can see those photos and video in my previous blog post).  Besides the processional parade, we got to see the debut of Princess Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee, a 9 minute show aboard a riverboat on the Rivers of America in Magic Kingdom.

I really enjoyed the show and grooved along to the music; I tell you, this movie is going to have an awesome soundtrack!  As usual with all Disney movies, the songs are so catchy that you pick them up in no time.  I left Magic Kingdom that day singing, “♫ Going down the bayou, going down the bayou, going down the bayou, taking you all way ♫”.

Look at this video of Princess Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee that I filmed; you’ll hear what I mean.

I have to say that the highlight of my Princess Tiana media experience was meeting the Princess herself.  I was like a big kid, all wide-eyed and grinning.  She told me that I was pretty and I said, “Me?  You!”  She was very beautiful and kind; I wish my daughter had been there to meet her too, but I got autographs on my media badge.  Heather, one of the Disney Moms, was getting an autograph for a little African American girl back home who told her, “I’ve been waiting my whole life for an African American princess.”  My daughter hasn’t said that, but how about I’ve been waiting my whole life for an African American princess.  I was so happy to meet the princess that I neglected Prince Naveen until he said, “Hello, I’m here too!”  He’s a cutie pie and they are a handsome couple together.

Before someone calls a psychiatrist for me, I do know that Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen are not real people.  I mean, they are people, but they are dressed as characters from the movie.  I do know that, so put down the phone.  But when I am in Disney World, it’s all real to me; it’s part of the magic….to believe.

I hope that you are as excited as I am about The Princess and the Frog and plan to go see the movie the day it comes out.  As Mama Odie says, “It’s ‘gon be good!”

*You can read about the rest of my trip in my blog post Doing Disney World VIP-Style.

*Full Disclosure: I was invited to Disney World as “media” for the debut of Princess Tiana.  My entire trip was paid for by Disney (hotel accommodations, flight, transfers and meals).