*Today I am participating in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop by answering the prompt: 4.) Write a funny story involving socks.

My husband has a thing for socks.  Really.  He buys them in bulk and often.  I don’t know what he does with all these socks, but I’ve given up trying to understand.  When we go to Target and he throws yet another bag of socks in the cart, I say nothing.  If I’ve learned anything in almost 17 years of marriage, I’ve learned to pick my battles.  And socks aren’t worth arguing about.

Except if they are holey–according to my husband, that is something to argue about.

Holey socks are the bane of his existence.  Normally oblivious to domestic affairs, the man goes ballistic if anyone in our house wears holey socks.  At first I thought that he was kidding, but he is not.  Not at all.  Unfortunately my son does not share his father’s disdain for holey socks, so you can imagine the arguments that happen in our house.  Or maybe you can’t, but let me tell you, it’s serious.   My husband will rant about how no child of his is going to wear holey socks when he works hard for this family to provide shelter, food, a private school education–and blemish-free socks.

I try to maintain a peaceful household by keeping my son in new socks, but he does his own laundry and I don’t always see when the socks are wearing thin.   And honestly my son just doesn’t care; he will just as soon wear holey socks as in-tact ones.

As I was packing for our trip to LA, I made sure all the socks were worthy.  It was the least that I could do for the man who was going to be working so hard in LA.

But I didn’t check the traveling socks.

As we removed our shoes at airport security, and my son walked through the metal detector, I saw that he had on the holiest socks ever.  With big gaping holes.   So big that there was actually more naked foot visible than sock.  My husband saw it too and his face said what he couldn’t in the presence of security guards: surprise, horror, disgust.   His worst fear about holey socks had been realized–they were seen in public.  His kid was wearing holey socks for the whole world to see!

“What?” asked my son, with a characteristic teenage shrug.

He followed his father’s glare down to his feet.

“Oops, my bad.”

Visit Mama Kat’s Losin It to write a prompt of your own.

My friend Renee likes to play this game, “tripping or not tripping;” she tells me what happened and asks if the offending party was out of line (tripping) or not.

So let’s play: Tripping or Not Tripping?

Picture this: I am at a school function chatting with my husband and two male parents/friends–let’s call them Tweedle Dee  and Tweedle Dum.

I say to my husband, “Can you give me a ride?  It’s too hot to walk back home.”

And Tweedle Dum says, “Oh don’t be a _____.”

(Think: a vulgar word that juvenile guys use for “wimp” that is also a name for a cat.)

Get it?

Now, I didn’t hear this.  But my husband (foolishly, in my opinion) said, “Did you hear what he called you?”  And repeated it.

Say what?

Tweedle Dum must have been loopy from the heat or something because

I. Don’t. Play. That.

But I was very close to other parents and children.  I couldn’t do what I wanted to do…..which was to read him up and down, inside and out.

And when I get going, there is no off button.  It would have been UGLY, right there in front of the whole school.

So, against my nature, I did nothing.

And I’m still mad.

My verdict: HE WAS TRIPPING.

So tell me what you think: Tripping or Not Tripping?  What would have you done in that situation?  Cuss him out or let it ride?

I love my iPhone.  I use it to check the weather first thing in the morning and it’s the last thing I turn off at night.   Like millions of others, I can tweet, text and update my status with the best of them.  But I have noticed that all this wonderful technology has caused people to become less courteous in their interactions with each other.  Old social norms like paying attention to someone when they are speaking seem to be no longer be required in our post smart-phone society; the text or email on the Blackberry takes priority over the person sitting in front of us.   It’s enough to make me rant!

If we are sharing a meal together, then I deserve your attention.

During our lunch date I understand that sometimes you may be waiting for an important message or call from someone (because we are expected to be always available), but proper etiquette would suggest informing your companion of your expected interruption and if it does occur, excusing yourself, taking care of the business quickly and apologizing to me, your lunch date.  Once the business is handled, put the phone away.   If you would rather tweet or text or talk to your mother on the phone, then don’t invite me to to lunch.   We can be BFFs on Twitter while multitasking, but personal interaction requires undivided attention.

I can hear your computer keys clicking (or your mouth chewing).

Multitasking…this is such a normal part of lives now that we really don’t know how not to do it.  I multitask like everybody else, but I find that I can’t do it very effectively if a live person is involved and you can’t either.  Don’t kid yourself; I know when you are on the computer while also talking to me on the phone.  Your voice takes on that “uh-huh, right, really?” tone that tells me that you are only half-listening to what I’m saying.  Sometimes I use the computer while talking on the phone too, but I do let my callers know that I am otherwise engaged; I don’t try to pretend that I am giving them my undivided attention when I’m not.  If a friend calls and I am a engaged in light computer research then I will say so (I don’t even answer the phone if I am writing, so there’s no conflict there).  At that point we can have a half-hearted conversation under full-disclosure or decide to talk later.

The same rules apply to eating lunch while on the phone.  If we are close like that then just tell me that you are eating lunch, don’t try to pretend that you aren’t and then talk with a full mouth.   However, I draw the line at peeing while on the phone.  It doesn’t sound like running water, it sounds like pee.  Just don’t do it.  Put me on hold, handle your business and then resume the conversation.

I’m not your chauffeur; talk to me.

When my kids are in the car during our everyday transport, I prefer them to be engaged in conversation with me, listening to music or just staring out the window instead of playing games or sending texts on their phone.    Some of the best conversations happen in the car and that’s not possible if their attention is elsewhere.   I know that the car is a good place for an adult passenger to read their emails, return texts or update their Facebook status (“I’m riding in the car on the way to work”….the whole world is waiting to read that, you can’t let them down), but it’s only okay as long as you tell the driver that you are going to do that for a few minutes and excuse yourself from the expected passenger-seat conversation.  Nobody likes to feel like a chauffeur.

Jesus doesn’t follow you on Twitter.

I see people in church with their Blackberries or iPhones, thumbs flying.  I agree that they could be looking at a Bible app (my husband’s excuse) and reading scripture, but it’s such a temptation to quickly check your email or send a tweet (“I’m really enjoying church; the service is awesome today.”) that it’s just better to be totally engaged in church and leave your phone in your pocket.  They do still make Bibles in book form.

A few weeks ago I was at a school function and the speaker was a little long-winded for most of the people in the audience.  As I looked around the room I saw several heads bowed and iPhone lights glowing in the darkened theater.   That was rude.  If you are bored during a speaking event, the courteous thing to do is stare straight ahead and mentally play “what I would do if I hit the lottery tomorrow.”

If you read Emily Post I’m sure that she would tell you the same thing.

What do you think?  Do you think that technology is causing us to become less courteous?  Does it bother you when people text, email or are otherwise distracted in your presence?

We all have them, those “blah” gray sort of days.  Days when we don’t feel like doing much of anything, but we have to anyway because our work/children/spouse/project demand that we do.  That’s when I put on my Get Happy playlist because these songs never fail to put me in a fantastic mood.  All of these songs either morph me into a happy, Sunday-afternoon-at-the-park sort of mood or make me want to get up and dance.  I’ve got good music and I’m good to go.

“Love Shack” by B-52s

I secretly think that I am a member of the B-52s; I have the white go-go boots already.  ”Love Shack” is my number one song to put me in a fantastic mood.  It makes me want to dance around and do the pony.   I would kill this song at karaoke!

“Pump” by B-52s

If you think the B-52s greatest hits are old school, think again.  Their latest release is just as rocking as songs of old.  ”Pump” is classic B-52s: addictive guitar riffs and esoteric (or just crazy) lyrics.  Listening to this song makes me wanna swing my hips wildly while shaking a tambourine.

“Back to Love” by The Brand New Heavies

Most of The Brand New Heavies music is funky and groovy–perfect for creating a sunny mood.  But this song has the benefit of uplifting lyrics as well.  It’s a message that everyone needs to remember: “…we seem to lose our way, somehow got lead astray, that’s why I’m here to say, got to get back, get back to love.”

“Groove is in The Heart” by Dee-Lite

Do you see a pattern here?  I like groovy music.  Peace signs, disco balls, go-go boots–give it to me, baby!  This song is a flower-child dance party, with a 90s house beat.  I dare you to listen and stay in your seat.

“Cherish” by Madonna

A bouncy, feel-good beat and sing-aloud lyrics about love keeps this song on my Get Happy playlist.  True, I can’t get the image of Madonna wearing all that lace out of my head, but I don’t hold it against her.  How can I?  I used to dress like her!

“I’m Every Woman” by Chaka-Khan

This song makes me feel like I can conquer the world.  Chaka is belting out those lyrics with the force of nature.  By the end of the song when the music crescendos,  all I need is a cape and a big W on my chest and I’m ready to fly!

“All This Time” by Sting

Soul Cages is one of my favorite albums by Sting; the writing is incredible.  Even though this song is about his father’s death, Sting’s poetic lyrics and great music makes it a up-beat tribute instead of a dirge.   You can feel the maritime intentions in the song–the waves rolling, the sea breeze, the boat rocking.   I love the beach and this song takes me right there.

“Dancing Queen” by ABBA

Yes, I know it’s clichéd, but despite the over-use of this song, it still puts me in a good mood.  With the disco ball twinkling, I can hear the DJ saying, “It’s time for ladies only skate, ladies only.”  In my tube socks and shiny shorts, I can see myself gliding around the roller rink.

“P.Y.T” by Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson showed his talent through many songs, but whenever I play this song I feel his passion and happiness.  And that happiness is then transferred to me.  I don’t try to moon-walk though.

“I Like It Like That” by The Blackout All-Stars

There aren’t that many lyrics to this song, it’s all about the beat.  Latin music is made for dancing; the horns and Congo drums make me want to throw on a twirly skirt, some high heels and do the merengue.

“Haven’t You Heard” by Patrice Rushen

Another song with limited lyrics, “Haven’t You Heard” is all about the music.  Patrice Rushen is an incredible musician and arranger and her blend of jazz, funk and R&B always has me tapping my toes and bopping my head.  This is perfect Sunday afternoon, life-is-good type of music.

“Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince

A musical genius.   I love many a Prince song and different songs put me in different moods.  ”Let’s Go Crazy” is Prince in a zany mood and the song makes me feel zany too.   With lyrics like “let’s look for the purple banana ’til they put us in the truck” how can you not get in a great mood?

“Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol

I love to rock out to this song.  À la Jennifer Beals I want to wear ripped sweatshirts and leg warmers while dancing a scene out of Flashdance.  Or sometimes I play it really loud in my car when I’m frustrated and it never fails to make me calmer and more in control.

“The Biggest Part of Me” by Ambrosia

This is my singing in the shower song, the one that makes me croon into my pretend microphone.  Singing this song I have my audience in the palm of my hand; all eyes are closed and they’re doing the church wave.  This image never fails to put a smile on my face.

“Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5

Smooth, jazzy and groovy, “Sunday Morning” is what I want to hear while taking my dog for a walk.  Sometimes walking my dog can be a chore, but a song like this puts a skip in my step.  My dog thanks you Maroon 5.

“Flashlight” by Parliament

After the 9 second intro, right when the song really begins, I want to jump up, land in a splits, jump up again and do a James Brown spin.  From there I would go into an impressive robot dance, then snake on the floor.  If only.  Instead, I do my own version of a funky dance.

“8th Wonder” by Sugar Hill Gang

The beat is fresh and the rap lyrics memorable.   It’s my ring tone and I have a mini-dance party every time someone calls me.  An interactive party song asking you to sing along, how can you stay in a bad mood reciting lyrics like: “If you’re ready to party and you’re ready to jam, scream it out and say ‘I am (I am) somebody (somebody),’ now you know you are.  You go ah, ah, ah-ah, ooh, ooh.”

“Love of My Life Worldwide” by Erykah Badu (featuring Queen Latifah, Bahamadia & Angie Stone)

I used to love “Funk You Up” by Sequence back in the day and Erykah Badu took a good thing and made it even better.   The addition of Queen Latifah, Bahamadia and original member of Sequence, Angie Stone, adds multiple layers to an already smoking song.  If I could break dance to this song, I would.  Alas, I have to settle for wearing my shell-tops and doing a quick Kid ‘N Play step.

“Woo” by Erykah Badu

Erykah Badu was on fire with the Worldwide Underground album.  This song puts me in happy mood, but more like a mellow, funky, happy mood rather than maniacally happy.  I can’t be bouncing off the wall all the time.  Right here I’m tipping my fedora over one eye, sipping a glass of Prosecco or champagne and bopping my head to the beat.

“Good Life” by Kayne West

It samples one of my other Get Happy songs, Michael’s Jackson’s P.Y.T., and it gets me hyped.  Although Kayne’s version of the good life is not the same as mine, still I throw my hands up in the air and scream, “I’m good.”

I’ve done some gross things in my day.   Being a parent, it comes with the territory.  I’ve cleaned up my share of explosive diarrhea.  One time my son vomited a whole meal’s worth of chili.  From the top of a bunk bed.   It took me 2 days to get chili out of the carpet, off the walls and in the cracks and crevices of the bed.  Fun times.

But nothing–NOTHING–compared to a recent experience that I had with my dog.

I was just getting out of the shower when I heard my husband yelling, “Sherrelle, come quick!”   Thinking something was wrong with one of the kids, I ran downstairs in a towel where I was further summoned outside.  Throwing on a coat and my slippers I go out into the winter morning to see my son standing on the sidewalk holding our puppy, Chili Dawg.  And in his mouth is a dead squirrel.

Let’s stop for a minute and rewind.  Did you notice that my husband called me outside?  To take a dead squirrel out of my dog’s mouth while he watched from the porch?   And this is not the first time that I was asked to handle a dead squirrel.  When my dad removed a dead squirrel from our attic he handed it down to me in a trash bag, because he knows that my husband (who was standing right there) wasn’t going anywhere near it.

I’m not squeamish, but even I have my limits.  A dead squirrel in a trash bag is not the same as one hanging out of my dog’s mouth.  Oh, let me clarify: this wasn’t a dead squirrel (like from the attic); my dog had picked up squirrel road kill on his walk.   It was about 3/4 of a squirrel–minus the head–with blood and guts spilling out.  Yeah.

I actually tried to find photo online to accompany this story and there were many to choose from.  For some disturbing reason people take photos of squirrel road kill.   But I couldn’t bring myself to use a photo…my stomach turned just looking at the Google images.  I don’t believe that I will ever look at a squirrel the same again.

As disgusting as it was–AND IT WAS DISGUSTING–what choice did I have?  My kids couldn’t do it and my husband wasn’t going to do it.  My dog’s health depended upon me removing the squirrel from his mouth.  Which was not going to be easy, I could tell.  He had a death-grip on that squirrel and no amount of cajoling or bribing him with treats was working, so I put on rubber gloves and pried his mouth open.  To do this I was very close to the dead squirrel and the smell and site of squirrel guts was over-whelming.  I dry-heaved several times in the process, but finally pried the squirrel out of Chili Dawg’s mouth and threw it on the ground.   I disposed of most of the squirrel pieces before one final heave told me that I had reached my limit.  My husband (watching from the porch) saw that I could go no further and finished picking up the last bit of squirrel guts from the sidewalk.    I spent the next half hour sitting on the porch washing Chili Dawg’s face and brushing his teeth.

Still naked under my coat.

And that was the most disgusting thing that I’ve ever done.