Regret: A Real Mother For Ya | Funkidivagirl.com

I regret not having a 3^rd child. It’s bluntly said, without any fanfare or fancy introduction sentence because that’s how I’m feeling right now. Regret is a powerful emotion because it means that you can’t do anything about the situation, but live with it. Well, technically I can do something about it—have a baby—but considering my husband is quite adamant about leaving our family just the way it is, it’s not really a possibility. But I’m going to walk it out and let myself explore the possibility of getting pregnant one more time.

While I enjoyed being pregnant twice before, there are things that are not so pleasant: the weight gain, nausea, exhaustion and all the other mysterious ailments that bombard a pregnant body. And let’s not forget the pain of childbirth, an experience really best forgotten or remembered through the hazy, rose-colored lens of time.

Of course once the baby is here there are the sleepless nights, leaky breasts, endless crying (both me and the baby), constant cleaning and the whole 24/7 of it all. When would I find any time for me? It’s something that I have slowly grown accustomed to. I like having the space to explore different parts of me; that would be hard to give up. With a baby, my day would revolve around nap times, which of course the old saying goes, I really should be napping also. As much as my mind thinks that I am 25 years old, it’s actually not true (are you as surprised as I am?); I would need to nap!

The truth is that I would be a different kind of parent for the 3^rd child because Gymboree groups and floor play are not as fun as they once were. I relished those days when I did it, but there are only so many games of Candyland that you can play without wanting to bang your head on the table. What I once found delightful and fulfilling does not seem appealing to me anymore; I can’t even romanticize it. I like sleeping all night, wearing clothes free from spit-up and being able to take my children anywhere; naptime meltdowns or tantrums are no longer a threat. I really enjoy the conversation and fun that I have with my children now. The last few years of traveling have been so light: no strollers, sippy cups, snacks or toys needed.

Do you know what else I’ve discovered, by having a teenager? Mothering doesn’t get any easier! The infant/toddler parenting is physically exhausting, yes, but a piece of cake compared to the anxiety and worry that goes into making sure that you are releasing a decent human being into the world in just a few short years. I think I know too much now. It’s probably best to have children all at once—knock them out, as people say—before you have too much time to reflect on what an awesome responsibility you have undertaken.

These are sound arguments for being thankful for the 2 wonderful children that I have and not even consider having a 3^rd–and I’m sure that my husband can come up with many others. Still I can’t deny that I feel regretful. Now that I see how fast it goes—zoom!—I wish that I would have been more intentional about planning my family.