Eboni: I understand your concerns for your future and they are well-founded. All I would say is that sometimes life puts new passions in your path that you didn’t even dream of (perhaps in the form of a husband and/or kids). But, still it is a balancing act and I think it is great that you are aware of the changes/sacrifices/challenges now.

Kudos to you both for staying on top of it – you pulling his coat and him listening!

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

This matter has been on my mind for awhile now. It’s apparent to me that I will be successful. It is also apparent to me that my journey, for now, is filled with long moments of solitude. I work hard and make lots of moves, but most of those moves are solo. I’ve been living in this city for more than 2 years, have not formed what I deem to be a true friendship, and have not been in a relationship for appx 4 years.

However, I realize that had I been attached to anyone during this time, whether friendship or romantic relationship, there’s no way I would have been able to accomplish everything I have.

My concern is for the future. I would love to share my life with someone, but I wonder if I will meet someone who will be able to understand my hectic and sometimes spontaneous schedule. I wonder if I will be able to raise a family with this lifestyle. I wonder if I will sacrifice my passion for my kids.

Thank you for sharing this. Although the situation is not quite the same, it helped me to see your situation from your point of view.

See you on twitter!

MommaWheel: I know how hard you and your husband work to think of each other and make your marriage strong. Yes, I think having God in the center of our marriage is the real key. You had a good foundation before your baby came along and that has helped you keep parenting in the proper perspective (after your marriage). I like the weekly check-ups idea!

Balance starts in the mind. We laugh and joke and are silly with one another and really don’t take the other too seriously. This helps when we are at our wits end and are stuck in a rut.

We do weekly checkups (the Hubs and I) where, years ago, we established what our needs were, and then we check with each other to be sure that those needs are in fact being met.

As a wife, I don’t say yes to anything that I know will make the Hubs uncomfortable or put him in a stressful seat…like inviting people unannounced over for dinner and expecting him after a 15 hour day to “entertain”….silly example, but the point is that what I do is motivated by love for my spouse.

We do a few things that are the norm:

We pray and read the bible together. We find that our connection to God brings us together as a family. We look to please God, and as a byproduct of our love and reverence for Him, and the work it takes to have a successful marriage, it works

We eat dinner together every night…
if for some reason, we can’t, we make it breakfast the next am or as soon as possible on the weekend.

We travel at least 2 times a year on a big trip, and little trips here and there.

We do not go to bed angry. It may not mean that we resolve the issue at hand, but we acknowledge that there is a problem and then we choose to talk then or later.

Balance is thinking of each other for us. It works. Work, life, church and everything else pulls at us, but at the end of the day, all we have is each other to sleep next to. Now that the kidlet is here, we make an effort to have that same time for us that we crave (2 y/o, enough said)

I remember that 20/20 episode, cousin lol

Glad you are where you are now

I am fortunate on that I literally work right across the street from my home (so the gas crisis didn’t really hit me that hard -sorry yall) and I am lucky that I don’t have a position that takes me away through travel or work that I have to bring home, it starts and ends with my scheduled work hours, thats great, but with home life there comes the time consumption. I have four adopted children and when my youngest daughter reached 8, things started to get better with independence and the such but now I have a 6 month old and now everyone is jocking for position and attention and the baby doesn’t have to anything but just be and as a mom I am literally split in 5 different directions and I make it happen! At the end of every day, with different attitudes and stroking egoes and reassuring and combing hair, going to practice, making two to three games sometimes in a day and working on Saturdays, buying sneakers frequently because my son is hard on them and so on and so on….. I yern for the “Calgon Take Me Away” moments BUT that is my sacrifice, me!

I have the “single parent” balance or as much as we can have with regard to family life and work but as a single woman, well I have sadly conceded that at this moment I can’t have it all. I don’t remember the last time I went out with a group of friends and the last movie I saw alone was American Gangster, the kids are always in toe where ever I go.
So I don’t have a total package of balance but I never miss work and I make my kids feel as if I am always present and my baby still reaches for me over the nanny and at this point that is what I have come to prioritize in my life.

One day I will make it to true balance but for now, and I mean as I type this now, I am happy with the “balance” I have.